This blog contains strong language and adult situations. Reader discretion advised.

Monday, 7 November 2016

1.11 All Good Things Come To An End

Nazari

   Cereal for breakfast again, but the girls didn't moan. They laughed and joked as they got themselves ready for school. I remembered a day when me and Ernesto would stay out late at night and still be ok in the morning. I was still ok in the mornings, but Ernesto was tired today. I was worried. The girls had got up and gone to school, and I'd cleaned the bathroom and was working on the kitchen before he got up. He came through as I was draining the water from the sink, pecked me on the cheek, and greeted me. He took the binliner from the bin and headed outside with it. I wondered if I should maybe do that job myself now. He needed his rest.

   "Nazari!" He called from outside. I wondered what he could want.

   "Nazari!" He called louder, he sounded panicked now, so I ran.

   My heart stopped when I turned that corner.
   "Ernesto..." I breathed. I didn't even know if he could hear me any more.

   I watched as the scene no sim wants to see began to unfold before me. Ernesto looked... happy. He'd been aching and slowly getting more and more frail for years, I hadn't realised how pained he'd looked until he was no longer in pain. But the only comfort I found in all this was that the girls were still at school and didn't have to witness their father dying as I had witnessed my own fathers death when I was very young.

   "Ernesto..." I don't even know if I said it out loud. The grim reaper shook his hand and then he disappeared. He didn't say goodbye to me so I guess at that stage a sim can't see the real world anymore. The reaper ignored me too. I stood there shellshocked for a while, before I shakily made my way back to the house.

   Of course the girls didn't take it well, but I did my best to comfort them, despite the fact I was broken and it felt like my insides had been through a blender.
   "What was the last thing he did or said?" Aria sobbed. I thought it a weird question.
   "He said 'Morning sweetheart', kissed me and then took the bin out." It hurt all over again. He died as he'd lived, helping me and loving me.
   "That sounds so much like Dad!" Aria wailed all over again.

   "The last thing I said to him was 'Night'! I wish I'd known and I'd have told him I loved him too, maybe kissed him goodbye this morning!" Becca cried.
   "Bex, if any of us had known we'd have all been here and spent our final hours together doing something meaningful. Nobody knows when these things will happen, that's what makes it hurt so much more." I was trying my hardest to stop crying. Our worlds had just ended, and ironically the only person who would have been able to cheer us all up, was the one who had just left. Even that damn dog howled that day.

   Geneva came round that evening, she told us she'd got engaged that day. Her boyfriend Aubrey had proposed. There was a pang of happiness as she told me, and the hope of grandbabies... But that was soon replaced with the realisation that Ernesto wouldn't be there. He'd miss Geneva's wedding. He'd miss Aria and Beccas graduations, he'd miss their first days at work, their first dates, their prom, their weddings... It was all so surreal. I hated it.

   Of course, life went on. The house was empty, and none of us smiled much for the first few days. The girls had their school work to focus on, and I had a tour to complete. Probably the strangest part of someone dying, is the way that the world doesn't end. It's strange to think that one sim could mean so much to you, but everyone you pass on the street has no idea.

   I'd often hear the girls talking about him. What he'd be saying in this situation, what he'd do when they'd done this... It was sweet, and I guess that was their way of coping with it all. It helped them, and I was glad they had each other.

   I prefered to be as close to him as I could. We'd had him buried in our garden, the garden he'd slaved over after I'd been annoyed about the dog. He spent a lot of time outside, when the kids were young he'd play with them, and then as they grew up and he grew older, he'd spend most of his time tending his plants. I just came out here to feel close to him. I didn't really touch the garden except to water the plants occasionally.

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:'( I knew he'd die one day, obviously, but I was so glad he'd had a good weekend with the family before. It was like he was hanging on until he'd spent time with everyone, his age bar was full for a week, and yes, he really did die emptying the bin!

In personal news, we found out last week we're having a little boy! No pictures, because in true male fashion he was sticking his head in a stupid position so we couldn't even complete the detail anomoly scan, let alone get a good picture... He also does nothing but kick and spin and somehow he tickles me and makes me itch inside. It's a bizarre sensation, and if you think about it too much it freaks you out... But anyway, thought that would cheer you up after a depressing chapter (and no we're not going to name him Ernesto, lol)

Tuesday, 25 October 2016

1.10 Weekend

Nazari

   "Have a good day..." I called after the girls. Aria started high school a week ago. Becca would be joining her soon. Geneva was all moved out, and soon to be alone as Maria was engaged to Nigel Martin, some guy I didn't particularly like that Maria was infatuated with... Geneva had a little moan about him every time we talked on the phone, he wasn't exactly an awful guy, he was just weird. Geneva seemed quite happy that Maria would move out with him soon, at least she wouldn't have to put up with Nigel being around every night. I hoped she'd find herself someone soon, I knew how dangerous it could be living alone, and even if she was a superstar police officer, I worried for her. Thinking how grown up my kids were, I felt old. Nearly as old as Chip, the chipmunk we'd had for like ten years now. If I'd knew how long he'd live, I'd never have agreed to getting him! But at least Aria got enjoyment out of him, the girl was animal-crazy. She prefered horses, but knew there was no point even thinking about asking for one, how the hell could we afford or look after a horse??

   But no matter how old I felt, Ernesto made me feel young again. And not only because he was older than me, but because he was always there. I don't know how I could have handled life without him, he'd been a rock to keep me steady, and although he'd never proposed to me and we'd never married, I found I was actually ok with that. By never having a real commitment, it made it more obvious we were both in it because we wanted to, not because we had to pay a lawyer to end it.

   But part of loving someone, is accepting their flaws. Chip died. Obviously Aria was devastated, even I was a little upset, the critter had become part of the furniture... That wasn't the problem.

   When the girls were at school, and I was out doing promotional stuff for my newest album, Ernesto went and got a puppy. He sent me a picture message, and I thought it was a joke. When he told me it wasn't I flipped. But it was too late. He'd already got it home and bought it a ridiculously pink bed and food bowl and some toys... We were stuck with it.

      But of course, both girls were delighted. Aria named her Ladybug, which I thought was a rather ridiculous name, except from the fact that the dog did have bug-eyes, so it fit a little.

   To make it up to me, Ernesto spent a few weeks clearing the wild brambles from the yard, and building a fence, and even planting a little garden. It was really sweet, and really made the trailer look more homely. I half wished we'd done it sooner.

   "I need some money for Saturday." Aria stated, scribbling something in her homework book. I was eating my dinner, I had a gig that night.
   "For what on Saturday?" I asked, it wasn't like Aria to ask for money, infact, none of my children had ever asked for much, I guess I'd been lucky.
   "Well it's Bex birthday on Friday... I want tickets for us to go to that spring festival in town on Saturday." I had to hold back tears. My girls were so close.
   "Oh cool, I saw an advert for that, it looks good!" Becca chirped up, smiling at her sister. I agreed to lend her the money, and listened as the two talked about the posters around town and what was going to be there.

   Soon enough, Friday arrived. My littlest girl became a real life teenager, and I felt like maybe I could be ok with that. It had been a rough ride raising them, but grown up kids are a true joy!

Aria

   "Twallan, you're crap at this." I teased. My sister is more of a book person than a sports person.
   "Yeah, whatever." She grumped. "So I can't throw a horseshoe? Big woop. Like my life is over right now." I laughed at her. She could get really moody sometimes. "Don't laugh at me, you try!"

    "All you have to do," I explained, taking a horseshoe and aiming. "Is work out how hard to throw it. And then it's just a case of keeping it straight. It's all maths really, should be easy for a brainbox like you."
   "Yes, well, it's not exactly a maths I understand." Becca watched me as I threw it and, predictably, hit the mark first time.
   "Ta-daa!" I grinned.
   "Yes, well done. You're every boys wet dream, you."
   "What?" I asked, confused as to why she'd suddenly mentioned boys.
   "Oh! Speaking of boys!" She mocked surprise and lowered her voice as she nudged me: "Isn't that Daryl Whitfield over there?"
   "Yes." I rolled my eyes. "Oh look, it's the same Daryl Whitfield that's dating Cathleen...." I gave Becca a look.
   "Yeah, since like yesterday. He clearly likes you!"
   "Yes. As a friend. He's with Cathleen." I didn't even like Daryl more than a friend, it was just Becca and Kenyons little joke. Kenyon is our cousins kid, he's our age, we hang out a lot. "But I am going to go talk to him, seeing as you're pushing me to him... But only as a friend!" I reminded her as I walked towards my friend.

   Daryl and I chatted and played horseshoes until it got dark. Becca played chess with random people, I didn't have the faintest idea how to play it, so this worked well for us both. Daryl was a bit older than me, but only by a few months. He'd still graduate before me though. Eventually Becca came over and told me we'd ought to get home. It was nearly curfew, but that's why we worked so well as a team. I have no sense of time and never know when to stop, but Becca has her head screwed on. None of us know where she gets it from though...

   Sunday morning we puzzled over our breakfast.
   "It's just not like him to not do breakfast..." Becca muttered, slurping the last of the milk from her bowl. Call us spoilt, but Dad has always cooked us breakfast. He's always up before us sorting pancakes or waffles or something, so us sitting at the table eating cereal is odd.
   "He's getting old Bex, maybe he's just tired today." I hated the thought, and quickly changed the tone. "Besides, we kept him up late last night because he wouldn't go to bed until we were home, and Mum wants us all out tonight at her gig, so he needs some sleep." There, that felt better.
   "True." Becca agreed, putting her bowl in the sink. "Wash my bowl please? I need a shower before we go out." I sounded an agreement through a mouthful of cereal, and she blew me a kiss as she headed for the bathroom.

   Kenyon stopped by to get the bus with us. We were going to Rodeo-a-go-go because they had a free bull ride day, where we could all ride the mechanical bull for free. We thought it'd be a fun change of scene before the concert tonight.

   And damn, was I good at it!

   NOT! But it was so much fun. We were definately coming back one day!

   And actually, seeing my mum perform was the perfect way to end the perfect weekend. It was almost a shame to have to go back to school, but I'd seen how tough life was without education, so if nothing else, I was getting that high school deploma!


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Yes, I spelt 'diploma' wrong. I just now noticed as I do my final proof-read before posting, but it's so hilariously ironic I'm keeping it.

Sunday, 9 October 2016

1.9 Unthinkable!

Geneva


   Prom night! I was so excited. Dad had sat me down and had 'the talk' rather embarrassingly, I mean really? I've only kissed a boy once, and that didn't go down well, so why the hell would I do more??

   Anyway, all sorts of crazy stuff had happened, so I rang my bestie to talk it over the next morning.
   "Can you believe Misty Hague was wearing the same as me?" I giggled. "I couldn't afford to buy a prom dress, so I thought the last thing that would happen was that someone would be wearing the same as me!"
   "I know! But don't worry, like, you pulled it off soooo much better!" Maria laughed with me. "And anyway, yours was a, like, much better colour to go with the, like, decor! How did you know? Like, did you get on the planning committee?"
   "No!" I laughed again. I'd been lucky and worn a green dress that matched well with the under-the-sea theme, Misty's dress had been red.
   "I saw Westly went off with Laura?" Maria changed to a more sore subject, I'd had to tell her about the kiss incident, but I'd made her swear to act like she didn't know.

   "Yeah, I saw." I responded. "He avoided me all night, and I mean like avoided me. Like, really obviously went out of his way to not be near me. After that I just don't care anymore. I'm over him. I'm just sad he ruined a perfectly good friendship..."
   "Good!" Maria chirped. "I'm glad my stupid brother doesn't have the power to ruin my best friend! But seriously? Laura Avilla?? Isn't she, like, the school slut?" I laughed. "I mean it! I'm pretty sure she goes after anything with a heartbeat."
   "Oh, I'm sure she does!" I agreed.
    "So what about Ethan?" She pushed. Ethan was this guy I'd been texting since the whole thing with Westly.

   "Well, I don't know!" I was being honest, I really didn't know. "I mean, when we were texting I bought prom up, and he never asked me. And then when we got there, he was all over me, like getting me drinks and snacks and complimenting me..."
   "Well I know! That's, like, why I left you two alone!"
   "Yeah, well, eventually I had to go to the bathroom, plus he was really winding me up being so clingy! When I came back out he was on the dance floor practically assaulting any girl in sight! I think he must've tried it with Abi, that's why Marlon ended up in that fight..."
   "Oh my twallan, drama! I didn't even know there was a fight? When was that?"
   "Right after you'd claimed your crown, Mrs. Prom Queen! Who nominated you?"
   "I don't know, I thought you had?? But anyway, Chad, Mr, Prom King... Well, he's a good kisser..."
   "WHAT?!?! Tell me more!!"



Nazari

    The day I'd been dreading had crept up on me. My oldest baby was no longer a baby. All the things we'd been through together, homelessness, tantrums, first steps, first words, first days at school, pets, sisters.... She's stood strong through it all. Without meaning to she'd made me the woman I am today, she was the one I'd pushed myself for. If I hadn't had her I wouldn't have got myself together when my mum had kicked me out, I'd never have dared to move to a new city and rent a trailer off a dodgy guy in a warehouse, but I'd needed to put my baby under shelter. And look how she'd turned out! All the mistakes I'd made... It hadn't mattered. I felt so happy, yet so sad, like a part of me was dying as my daughter blew those candles out. But now I didn't have a baby to look after, I had a friend to confide in. I had to think of what I'd gained...

   And she was a beautiful achievement. I couldn't stop cheering, long after everyone else had stopped. I think Geneva was a little embarrassed, and young Kenyon thought it was hilarious....

   That night, the unthinkable happened. Some creep picked the lock on our door! I heard him sneak past the bedroom window, and after glancing out at how he was dressed I'd managed to call the police before he made it through the door. It was the door opening that woke Geneva. I told her I'd rang the police, but she insisted.

   She went out and confronted him! She wrestled him to the ground! And although he managed to push her off him, she'd kept him occupied long enough for the police to come and arrest him. It was then I realised she really was a grown up, and definately ready to be a police officer!

   As the officer told me herself, after I'd sent Geneva to bed and waited while the officer had got the theif to the car.

   Before we knew it, it was graduation! And graduating top of her class, I knew Geneva would make the squad easily. How did someone who never went to school end up creating a person as clever as my daughter?? I guessed her father must've been brainy, Aria was definately like her father, always on her phone to someone secret, so I worried Becca might be like me. I'd have to pay extra attention to her, make sure she didn't end up dropping out of school...

    We settled into a new routine. Geneva wasn't earning a lot yet as she was doing her training course, so she still lived with us. She intended to get a place with Maria when they could both afford it. But for now she spent most of her time at the gym keeping fit.

   The other two would go to school all day, of course, and in the evenings Ernesto would help them with theie homework and then they'd play silly games while I was out singing. I admit, I felt a little left out that I wasn't a part of the games, but I loved that the girls had a father who was as attentive as him. My little family was perfect.

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Hehe, I like all the prom pop-ups. I think I wrote most of them in. Except that Geneva was prom queen, but I didn't want her to be so Maria was because something had to happen to her!

Geneva gained the 'brave' trait, hence the robber event...
Becca gained 'friendly' when she secretly aged up. (That's her in the middle of the graduation picture. And yes, that is Ernesto in that strange outfit chatting on his phone, that's apparently his formalwear...) 

The kinda sad thing about Ernesto, is that he and Nazari have both had a wish to marry locked since Aria was born. But they've never been able to even ask to go steady, and I have no idea why. They're both on 100% relationship and completely in love, by this point Nazari even has the 'faithful' rep (Ernesto doesn't, but if you remember he had a few women on the go at the start) it's really sad that it seems unlikely they'll ever get that wish granted now :( 

Sunday, 25 September 2016

1.8 Getting Older

Nazari
    Once baby Becca arrived, time seemed to fly, but drag at the same time. Having a baby and a toddler and a moody teenager was hard work! Sometimes it felt like all I ever did was deal with tantrums! Teenage strops, terrible twos, and teething screeches. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, could I even sing anymore? I couldn't imagine how much dust was on my guitar... I had a whole new appreciation for my mother though. Geneva wasn't half as much of a nightmare as I was, I mean, fair enough, my mum didn't have two younger siblings to deal with, but she had two rebellious teenagers and she did it on her own. There were a lot of times I'd think of my mum, wonder what kind of grandmother she would have been to my girls, there was so much I regretted saying to her when I was young. I hoped she knew I never meant all the 'I hate you's, because they really hurt. And wow, I did hate her at one point. Really truely did. When she kicked me out just as I turned sixteen, with a tiny baby and no job. But I'd never change it for the world now. I was an awful child, and I needed that reality check.

   But if it wasn't for Ernesto, I couldn't be doing this now. Never going to school had really come back to bite me. An illiterate mother is useless at schoolwork. But Ernesto loved helping Geneva with her studies, he was far better at older kids than the dirty smelly babies. Pig. It made me jealous that he could pick and choose what parts of parenting he'd do, whereas I was stuck with the bad jobs. But I knew that soon the money would run out and I'd be back at work and he'd be alone with the kids. Hah!

   And before all too long, Becca was pulling herself around and starting to babble. Aria would show her how to play with the tin cow my father had made for me when I was her age. Becca couldn't communicate too well with her, but Aria didn't seem to mind and would just invent in her head that they were talking simlish to each other.

   And of course, Ernesto still had the magic touch that sent babies to sleep. He was starting to get less mobile, and kept complaining that his back was giving him 'jip'. That always made me laugh, nobody says jip anymore, but it also made me sad when the reality that he was so much older than me would come flooding back and I'd have to be without him at some point. That didn't bear thinking about.

   As winter battered the city, Aria began to blossom into a beautiful and intelligent school girl. Yes, school girl! Although school was out because of the snow for the moment, so when Becca was down for her nap and Geneva was texting boys, and Ernesto was snoozing on the couch, me and Aria would go out in the snow and play. We'd sit where the sandpit was buried, and mix the sand and snow together into a slushy, muddy mess, and make icy sand castles. Sandcastles that ice princesses would live in until an evil being would smash it down below the depths of the snow and back into the sand pit.

   Soon enough, I went back to work. Never again, I told myself. Never again would I be on maternity leave (Or eternity leave as I called it...), now I could focus on what I loved, singing and performing. Not that I didn't love my girls, of course I did, but at home I was a frumpy trailer-trash mum. On the stage I was a young and glamorous superstar. Everyone would cheer my name and not because they'd pooed and needed changing. It was a different world entirely, but I still loved coming home to our snug, overcrowded one-bed trailer, and seeing the little family I'd created.

   With time flying by so fast, I thought it best we take a trip to a photographer. It wouldn't be long until Becca was at school, and worse, Geneva would leave school! Aria was particularly annoyed at the idea of posing for a picture, but I told her she could be front and centre and she soon perked up! The prints turned out to be more expensive than I'd thought, so we could only afford one in the end, but it was what I wanted, this moment captured in time forever.






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It's true! Geneva is nearly an adult at this point, and the others aren't far behind! (Infact, as I actually post this Geneva is an adult, and Aria and Becca are teens, but I'm a few chapters ahead in gameplay V story lol.)

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

1.7 Rejection


Geneva

   "Wow, Geneva, you look different..." Westly purred as I walked up to him in the public library.
   "Well, I've been going to the gym..." I was confused, it seemed like he was flirting with me.
   "Well it's really paying off."
   "I've only been once." I gave him a look.

   He sighed.
   "I was trying to give you an opening? You've always been gorgeous, Gen, I know you like me."
   "Oh..." I smiled. "How long have you known?"
   "Ages, like, forever." I noticed he was staring at my chest, but I didn't really mind.
   "It's prom soon." I hinted, wondering if he was going to ask me.
   "It is..." He winked at me, with a cheeky grin, and I did a stupid girly giggle.

   He was staring at my lips, so I took a chance and pulled him for a kiss. He made a shocked confused squeak. His lips were really soft and squishy. I've never kissed a boy before, I thought it would feel better than it did.
   "Geneva!" He hissed, pushing me away. "What are you doing?"

    "I- I- I thought..." I stammered.
   "It doesn't matter what you thought." He whispered angrily. "I'm rich. I can't be seen kissing a poor girl, what would everyone say?!"
   "What?" I was shocked, hurt and embarrassed.
   "Gen, we can be friends, but we can't be any more than that in public no matter how we feel. It's just the way things are." His eyes were darting around the room, seeing if anyone had seen us. "I gotta go." He practically ran out the door before I could question him.

   I wandered out, dazed and confused. What the hell had just happened? He was definitely flirting with me, so why did he go so cold so suddenly?

Nazari

   Aria was being super-fussy. Plus I was starting to get contractions. Plus Geneva was out with a boy. Plus everything that Ernesto did or said was winding me up for no reason. Then Geneva burst through the door. Well, she didn't burst through the door, she opened it gently and closed it behind her. That was how we knew something was up. I turned to look at her, my baby girl with tears forming in her eyes.

   Ernesto beat me to it. I'd barely had chance to get a breath to ask what was wrong, and he'd pulled her to his chest, arms wrapped tight around her. She looked so small and helpless cradled in his arms. Resting Aria on my hip, I leaned over and pecked her cheek. Her hair still smelt of jellybean shampoo, but she had a grown-up smelling perfume spritzed on her neck. Gentle sobs started coming from my big baby-girl. I squeezed her shoulder and Ernesto gently rocked her, making soothing 'shh'ing sounds. Aria reached out and yanked hard on her sisters ponytail, so I had to move away. Geneva pulled back from her dad.

   "Tell me all about it. What's his name? Where's he live?" Ernesto began.
   "Stop it!" I hissed, trying to soothe Aria who was wailing now.
   "Sorry, just tell me what this anonymous prick did." He corrected himself.
   "Apparently if you're poor you're not allowed to date people." Geneva huffed quietly.
   "Don't be stupid! Look at me and your mother! We barely have enough for formula and we've been together most of your life!"
   "She means that some shallow rich kid told her she had no chance because she lives in a trailer." I guessed. Geneva nodded. I knew which rich kid it would be, she was best friends with his sister, and his other sister had just had a baby with my nephew, so how he could be so picky when they weren't I didn't know. All I did know was that I'd never liked the snobby kid, and now he'd hurt my baby.
   "It doesn't matter." Geneva mumbled. "I guess I was wrong about him. I don't even think I like him as a friend anymore." She sniffed, drying her tears with her hands.
   "Well the only boy you need is me." Ernesto declared. "How about a date? You, me, and SSX 3000?"

   And within five minutes, Geneva was her old, smiley, competitive self. I still couldn't get Aria to settle, so I begged Ernesto to help me.
   "Aria, shut it and sleep, there's a good girl." He barely even glanced away from his game, but it worked. That really pissed me off, so I put Aria in her crib, threw my coat on, and took my guitar outside.

   "That damn man is doing my freaking head in." I mumbled as I blared out a few chords. "He just swans around like everything is so damn easy. Yes, I get it, the girls do whatever you say, and you always know just what to say. That's probably how we even ended up together." I sighed and practiced a couple of riffs from a new song I was trying to learn. My agent had said when I was done popping kids out, I could start touring again and make my first album. As much as I loved my kids, I couldn't wait to get back to work. There's only so many times you can change a diaper before it gets old.
   Speaking of diapers.... That was when my waters broke.


Geneva


    Mum and dad had rushed off to the hospital. I had to stay and look after Aria, who was sleeping in her crib anyway. I thought about going to bed myself, when a text came through.
   Westly: Soz abt erlier xxx
   Westly?? Why the hell was he texting me? Why was he being so confusing?? He ran away from me for being poor a few hours ago, now he's texting me apologies??
   Geneva: K
   I just sent the one letter back. No kisses. That way he knows I've seen and read it, and also that I don't care enough to reply properly. Hah. Whatever.

   So I rang Maria.
   "Hey hun, what's up?" She answered.
   "Boy troubles." I replied cryptically.
   "Ooh! Who?" I could hear her beaming down the phone.
   "It doesn't matter." I couldn't tell her it was her brother, I wanted advice, not charges for accessory to murder! "But this guy we both know and go to school with, I met up with him today. Basically, long story short, he was flirting loads, so I went to kiss him and he pushed me away and literally ran off. And then just now he's texted me saying sorry."
   "Oh... Well, this, like, mystery guy..." She pondered for a minute. "To be honest with you Gen, he, like, sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Did he, like, give any reason why he left?"
   "Not exactly. He kinda hinted it had something to do with social status?"
   "Ah. Ok. So he's just, like, a shallow dick then I guess? Like, seriously? Just forget about him. There's, like, tons of hot guys at school, just, like, wait til prom, yeah?"
   "Yeah, ok, thanks." I was glad she'd said something like that and not pryed into who he was. "So mums in labour..."




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I had serious doubts I could fit another baby in a trailer... But! I rearranged the bedroom and now it looks and feels huge!
Oh look, there's Geneva gossiping about Westly to Maria, lol. 

Also, soz that all my babies are born on cliffies, it just happens that it always seems like a good place to end. lol.