This blog contains strong language and adult situations. Reader discretion advised.

Sunday, 28 February 2016

1.2 Ernesto


    My brother had rang me just as I was getting up. His mate from near me, Ernesto Gonzalez, had come home late last night to find his girlfriend in bed with her boss. He'd apparently spent the night in the cells after some kind of 'altercation', and Jordan had rang me asking if it was ok for the police to release him to my address as he wasn't allowed contact with Natasha Gooder (his missus) for 48 hours. I'd said yes, trusting my brother, and remembering I had my first gig that night and I didn't want to take Geneva, but I also didn't have the cash for a baby sitter. I almost immediately regretted agreeing to this shit, who the hell did this prick think he was? Sideways cap with a cardigan?? Very 'gangsta'. He was on the phone, I assumed to my brother, when he came in, and he looked me up and down and looked equally unimpressed with my look too. Good, if we both didn't like each other that made it easier.

   We didn't talk an awful lot that day, he sat around watching TV while I practiced for my gig and looked after Geneva. He'd agreed to babysit, and Geneva seemed to love him. Plus, he ran down to the supermarket and bought some food, so he wasn't all bad. He even made us a chicken salad for dinner! For someone used to cereal and tinned food it tasted amazing.

   My heart was pounding that evening when I got on stage. There were quite a few people at the park, but not many of them were looking at me yet which made it easier. Luckily, my nerves didn't show in my voice, and I soon got into it and even did a few dance moves when I saw everyone was enjoying it so much!

   There was one woman, Natasha Gooder, she stood a little way back from the small crowd, and she was really loving it. She had no idea her boyfriend was at my house. I laughed to myself. Stupid bitch. If I ever get the chance... Why am I so angry? I barely know the guy, and he probably deserved to get cheated on. Anyway, she left quite early on after getting a phone call. Probably her boss wanting more.

   The evening seemed to fly by! Before I knew it I was at the end of my set and taking my final bows. The modest crowd was cheering, and I really appreciated the support. The Propriator gave me §250!! That's the most money I've had since leaving home! My mind told me all the things I could buy with it, but I told myself to shut up, I needed to be grown up and sensible, save it for when I needed it. Who knows when I'll see that kind of money again?

   When I got home, I was greeted by Natasha and Ernesto arguing in loud whispers in my living room, I guess at least they were respectful enough to not wake Geneva. I tiptoed past to the bedroom, and seeing Geneva was all tucked up and happily sleeping, I got into bed myself. So much for 48 hours no contact... I muttered under my breath, wondering if there was a threat on either of their lives and if I should ring Jordan and ask what to do. I heard the front door click shut and someone stomping down the creaky porch steps. I guessed Natasha had left because the footsteps weren't loud enough for Ernesto, a much heavier person. The next thing I knew my bedroom door opened. I don't know why but I shut my eyes tight and pretended to sleep. I felt Ernesto slide into bed next to me. His breath stunk of beer as he let out a sigh. He turned so his back was to me, and I didn't know what to think. Surely this was some kind of personal space thing? But the poor guy saw his girlfriend doing some other guy, and then he just had an argument.... He's probably used to sleeping next to someone, and wants it to feel normal. I reasoned, deciding to just go to sleep. He didn't scare me anyway.

    The next morning.... Well, I don't even know how we got here. It just kinda happened. I woke up and he was lying there awake.
   "Morning." I'd said, and he'd turned to look at me. We exchanged a little small talk, and then I guess I kinda came onto him. I mean, it had been a while for me, and he was right there. He'd responded eagerly, I know it was only a rebound thing, but it satisfied a need we both had, so it was fine.

   We got up and I had a shower, I went back to the bedroom to change and saw a sight that melted my heart. Geneva really did love Ernesto. And he was great with her. Wait a minute... Am I falling for this guy?? I questioned myself. He saw me looking at him, and caught my eye. We held a look for what felt an eternity, before Geneva let out a little giggle and we turned our attention to her.

   The next few days flew by, Ernesto dug Geneva a sandpit outside, and stayed to watch her whenever I got a job.

   As days turned to weeks, Ernesto started a little garden by my porch.

   And as weeks turned to months, Ernesto was around more than he was away. He set himself in as the man of the house and fixed things that broke for me, which was quite regular in this crappy trailer.

   He snuck over one evening as the leaves began to turn, doing his secret knock on the door that made me come running across the wood paneled floor.
   "Sorry, Naz, I had to see you again." He grinned, kissing me.
   "What's she done now?" I smiled back, enjoying the warmth of his embrace.
   "Apparently the fish pie I made was too fishy." He laughed.
   "I don't know why you even call her your girlfriend." I sighed. "I mean, you practically live here more than there." I hinted.
  "Don't, Nazari." He warned. "You know what we have wouldn't be half as good if it was legit."

   He leaned in and kissed me, and I realised he wasn't wrong. Every time we saw each other was a rush, what if someone was to see? What if Geneva let it slip out to Jordan? It was so much fun, but I did miss him when he went, especially knowing that when he wasn't in my bed he was in hers.

   But for tonight, that didn't matter.

Monday, 15 February 2016

1.1 Money, money, money...


    "One more grey day, it's just one more grey day, without youuuu!" I sang. The words matched the weather outside, but I was singing it really upbeat. Sure, I had less than §40 in my pocket, with bills totaling more than §70 turning red in the mail box, but it was Geneva's birthday tomorrow, and although I hadn't been able to afford any toys, I had got a cake and Jordan had promised he'd come and bring an old tin dog our dad had made for us. And then I'd probably go out and busk the day after. I've got myself a gig doing sing-a-grams, but seriously, it's not 1916, nobody orders sing-a-grams anymore! I only said I'd do it because apparently you can't waltz into an agency and become a superstar, you have to live through the awful times starving half to death in a trailer hoping the repo man won't come and take the apple you mooched off your brother. Oh well, I suppose it gives me more emotional fuel to write songs or something.

   The next day I picked up the cake. It was quite a long walk, but no way could I afford a taxi. It annoyed me that one drove by just as I got home. Note to self, find some scissors and cut the lawn. I thought, knowing full well I really didn't care that much and would never get round to it.

    Not long after I'd got in and put Geneva down for a pre-party nap, Jordan turned up. Sunset Valley is only a 45 minute bus journey away, but we don't see each other often. We embraced in a big hug, and I looked around for Corinna and Marlon.
   "Where are they?" I asked.
   "Marlon's at school, and Corinna will be here with mum, later." He replied, wincing a little as if he expected me to scream at him.
   "I'm not going to shout at you for inviting mum, I expected you to, I just didn't want to invite her myself."
   "It's not just that.... I asked Corinna to marry me...." I tried to hide a look of disgust. "She said yes."
   "Congratulations." I responded. I was happy for him, but I don't see what he sees in that girl. Yuck.

    Before long, mum and Corinna turned up, so I woke my sleeping beauty and took her to her birthday cake. It suddenly dawned on me and I realised I was about to be the mother of an official toddler! I don't feel old enough, I can barely look after myself still!

   I pushed my nagging fears aside and enjoyed eating cake with my brother, just chatting about what was going on with each other, me inviting him to come over more often, and him saying he'll try, and  making me promise to go to his wedding.

   Before he left, Jordan gave Geneva some birthday fuss. It kinda hit me then, like a dagger in my stomach, not only was I failing miserably to support my baby financially, she wasn't getting all the attention she should as I had to busk for sooo long to make anything worthwhile out of it. She needs a daddy. I need a husband.

    As I'd promised myself, the following day I went busking. First I tried the playground, thinking it might be full of kids for Geneva to play with. Unfortunately not, and after several hours with NO MONEY in my jar, I moved on.

   I next tried the main park, that was much better. I made §34 in an hour, which nearly made enough to cover the bills! I'm sure the landlord would let me off a couple of simoleons, I've never been short before. Some kind gentleman who'd tipped me a tenner, pointed to a lady sitting tapping her feet to my music and told me she was the propriater. I looked at him a little confused.
   "See that set behind you? She puts on gigs and she'll pay you to play on it." He winked at me and walked off. I was a little skeptical, could I just walk up and demand her to pay to me to play? She did look like she was enjoying my set, so I picked up Geneva and walked over to her.

   "Hi." I began, sounding far more confident than I felt. "I hear you pay people to play on your stage?" Stupid! I cursed myself, How desperate does that sound?? She smiled at me.
   "I do, I have an opening 8.30 tomorrow evening? You're welcome to have it until 11.30, but you don't have to use it the whole time." I nodded, kind of shocked how easy that was. "We'll agree payment tomorrow, it depends how many people you draw in and etcetera. Do you have a stage name? I can start advertising you."
   "Uhm... Naz?" I said, just using my nickname from when I was younger, not really sure what else to suggest.

   And that was it. My first gig was booked in! I'm not going to lie, I was horrifically nervous, but excited all the same.


A/N: Short, I know. Sorry... More starts happening after this chapter, promise!